At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
