Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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