ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
