A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
