We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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