You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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