I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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