i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
