called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
