I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
