new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
