I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
