I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
