I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
