I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
