When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
