Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
