i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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