I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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