Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the liver wants what the liver wants
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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