The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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