just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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