did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
