If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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