He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
