I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
