I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
