Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
