Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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