So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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