2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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