Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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