You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Princesses don't give blow jobs
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
