okay pat passed out under dana's car
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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