like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
