mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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