Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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