why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize