i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
