How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
