Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
