Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
