Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It was like giving head to a cactus.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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