I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
How's work?
Spinning.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
