what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize