I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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