My liver just broke up with me...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
