I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
