i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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