booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
