Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
