im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
