so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
