i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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