I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
