i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
