Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
