Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
