I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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