her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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