I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
