dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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