Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
