She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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