watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
