New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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