I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
