I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
