my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize