Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
