just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Houston, we have a blender
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
