Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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