well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
