READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
