is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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