my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
