Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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