Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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