We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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