im six kinds of drunk right now
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Farmville is her only friend.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
