operation harelip BJ is a go
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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