Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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