don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
