Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
