Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
