In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I came so hard my ears popped.
there is glitter all over my balls
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
