i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
jump out the window naked night went bad
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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