Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
