The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This is classic penis vs brain.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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