Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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