I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So many bounce houses so little time
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just want nice things and good sex
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
