There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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