We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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