I want to walk on stilts...naked
never play flip cup with pint glasses
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
