Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
