You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
