The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
