Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
