By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
