Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
