1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
