She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
