I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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